I must admit, I’m a tad bit embarrassed, but I’m going have to retract my ten-month-old rave about Bodega 13, a funky little bistro located in Carefree, AZ. Recall back in December of last year, I raved about the place, particularly the paella for two…

I’m not sure what happened, but it has devolved considerably since our last visit, and on several fronts. Food? Edible, but just barely. Service? Deplorable. Atmosphere? …uh, ever been to a morgue? We were it. The only customers for two hours on a Thursday night. Yikes!

But hey, my wife and I were referred to as “darlin'”, “love” or “hon” all night long, so why worry, right?

Jesus Christ, what a f*cking disappointment.

Where to begin, oh where to begin… Our yummy bottle of Klinker Brick Sarah? Fetched from the wine cooler and uncorked at the service station some 20 feet away from our table, completely out of sight. It, (that would be the bottle of wine), arrived at our table sans cork, Riedel stemware deposited in front of us and then came the fateful “Is there anything else I can get you right now?” dripping with false sincerity, or was that chewing tobacco? Uh, no, I think we’re fine for the moment…

…we weren’t at The Horny Toad, or at Harold’s Corral, or even at the Buffalo Chip Saloon, but rather at what had started – emphasis on started – out to be a promising eatery in a part of the valley that’s, er, ah, um, well, how shall I say it, in desperate need of funky little bistros.

…and, IMHO, is still in desperate need!

Tick. Tock. Appetizers appear, are consumed and plates cleared. Tick. Tock. …and then the paella procession begins. We silently rejoice, but alas, the texture of the paella was wrong, (borderline runny), and the chorizo was so heavily-salted I swear to God I could actually feel my arteries constrict with every bite – WTF?

Our server lumbered down the stairs a time or two to give us the stink eye, and while failing to refill our wine glasses at any point during the evening, we were asked on at least one occasion “How’s that wine holdin’ out?”. Uh, OK, I guess… Check, please!

Like I said, a f*cking disappointment.